DMNS and Lasik!!!

January 16, 2019

We went to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science again with my mom because we wanted to catch the Pandas IMAX while it was still there. 

{Thora, Katie, Samson}

{Thora, Samson, me}

{Dancy & I}

Fun playing with lights in Discovery Zone.

{Dancy & Thora}

KIVA blocks are always a hit.

I taught Samson how to climb the dinosaur.

{Katie, Samson, Tommy}

Ohhhhhh, right! So what happened was (read this in the voice of Ant-man's sidekick ex-con friend): We were driving home from our trip, right, and I was like, "Oh, hey! You know, I been thinkin' about gettin' Lasik for some years but never really thought about it seriously but now we got insurance that covers a portion." And Shad was like, "Yeah, babe! You should totally do it!" So we got home and Monday morning I called the place our insurance told me to and set up an appointment for a free consultation. Then on Wednesday, my friend Seven from China (yeah, that's her English name) started chatting with me and she was like, "Heyyyyy, white girl! I got another job offer for you and they really want your resume and a video introduction and can you be here end of February?" And I was like, "Daaaaaang! That sounds sweet! Let's see if it works!" And then I go to the Lasik consultation that Friday and the doc said, "Oh, you look like a great candidate for Lasik! So how it works is we do a 1-day, 1-week, and 1-month post-op check-up." And I was like, "Daaaaaang, Gina! (Even though her name wasn't Gina) How soon can you get me in because, like...China is calling my name in a month and a half." And she was like, "Aww, they can do Thursday!" And so then my head was all spinnin' and crazy because, you know, like, that's just a week and a half to go from "Hey, I had this thought," to BZZZZZT! And then the lady at the desk said they don't even take my insurance for Lasik because, like, insurance doesn't cover part of the cost, they just say the Lasik peeps have to REDUCE the cost. And so the Lasik peeps don't like to accept any insurance. So that sucked, man, but Shad was like, "Nahhhhh, don't let it get you down. Just do it anyway." So I made arrangements with his mom and with my mom and we got the biz done. (Because the check-up place was in the Springs, but the laser show was in Denver.)

Peace! I can see!

(January 17, 2019--Happy birthday to my SISTER!)

Dogs have their cone of shame, Lasik patients have this.

(Okay, but really, how was that for storytelling like Luis? I just looked up his name.)

And now about Lasik...If you've thought about it, do it! I'm now writing about it 3 months after the fact and I love it every day. I swim laps while my kids are at swim lessons and I can SEE! I still occasionally have "phantom glasses" like amputees have phantom limbs...sometimes I think I need to take my glasses off before stepping into the shower because I'm not allowed to have clear vision in there. Or I'll sometimes reach to take my glasses off before getting into bed. But I can wake up and always see! Kids wake me in the night because they puked, I don't have to remember in my groggy state that I need my glasses. I just get up and go. Sunglasses are wonderful and even better when I don't have to switch between prescription sunglasses and my glasses while driving. BOOM! It's that easy! I get hit in the head at volleyball and we all cheer because I'm not wearing glasses! Seriously, that's happened. Getting hit with glasses on sucks. Not just for the glasses but for my face. It hurts more.

Alright, the Lasik process. I don't remember all the "before you come" instructions, but I showed up and didn't have all the paperwork (because I wasn't even given all of it...). Don't drink caffeine before going. It dries out your eyes. They get you checked in, then do loads of tests and eye pictures again. And if you have a prescription like mine, which was -5, you'll hear loads of commentary along the lines of, "Oh, wow! You are REALLY going to like Lasik." No crap, Sherlock. Tell me more about how I'm going to like not being blind. But then they'll give you your valium and tell you to wait until you're summoned to the laser room. Then they summon you and do the prep work of booties on your feet, hair net on your hair, 3 sets of numbing and such eye drops several minutes apart. And so, it's now been at least 20 since you swallowed that valium. Everyone gets the same size pill. Now if you're a full-grown human adult, this shouldn't be an issue for you. But for my 5'0", 110 lb body, I couldn't stay awake. One would think that this is not a problem for surgery. It is. They only prop open the eye they're lasering and then move the prop to the other eye. But they need you to keep both eyes open! It's only 15 seconds per eye, but I couldn't do it! And then they were all concerned about why I can't keep my eyes open and why I'm responsive and talking, but my limbs are so relaxed and limp. Um, VALIUM, guys! And I had a few seconds of nausea, but sitting up and sipping gatorade knocked that out. They just kept me in the recovery room a few minutes longer to monitor me (it seemed like it was just 15 minutes, maybe, but I was also drugged, so I can't be truly responsible to know). Then they returned me to my mother-in-law and she drove me back to my mom's house where the kids were and I crashed in the guest bed for a couple hours. We drove home that day (nope, she did, I didn't) and I threw up on the way. Hooray, gallon ziplock bags! Got home and resumed sleeping until Shad got home. I didn't even take my second valium pill. Slight discomfort of my eyes, but not pain.

Day after, heading out to my first post-op!

(Oh, you're not allowed to drive the day of or after surgery. That's it. Then you're fine. I was even cleared to return to volleyball after a week.)

After my post-op, I felt siiiiiiiiiick! This was in no way connected to the Lasik, just convenient timing. I felt like death for a week. It was the weirdest sick I've ever been. But you know what was awesome? I COULD SEE! No contacts to worry about as I fell in and out of sleep, no glasses pressed into my head as I'm lying down watching TV or trying to pretend that I had the cognitive ability to read.

Katie made a dog tag for me.

In recovery mode from being sick...I made it from the couch to the first stair and had to get down because my head was spinning.

It was the happiest sick I've ever been!

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone!